It’s been a while since I’ve delved into a ‘how to’ type topic and I’m not sure what my next venture shall be (relationships?), if I’m honest, I’ve been finding it very hard to sit and focus enough time to write any type of topic or review.
Some may know what my ‘real’ job is and if you do not, well let’s just leave it at that! My shifts can be hectic and the past couple of months, I’ve been working my tooshie off. You can imagine by the time I get home and put my feet up, I really can’t be arsed to do sod all else. I do feel like I’ve been neglecting my little corner but when real life takes over, there’s not much else I can do. However, some of the conversations I have recently been having with friends, got me thinking and with a little help from their answers, I came up with this.
Let’s talk ‘case of the ex’, relationships and getting over your past partner:
There are times when relationships can be a little mucky at the end, be it he/she goes radio silent and, funnily enough, they forget to tell you it’s ‘endex’ or your partner just didn’t have the balls to tell you to your face and instead, spent 23p by sending you that Dear John text message….these scenarios do make it harder on the dumpee to over come. But fear not, I may have some straight-to-the-point tips for you!
- Back Off
You may have an urge to message your ex, maybe on several different modes of contact (mobile, facebook, twitter), leaving voicemail’s, the odd “hey how’s you?” random text but, let’s be honest, you will eventually come across needy to the ex and you’ll feel like shit. Don’t become that dread stalker people laugh about.
When the relationship is over, cut contact; delete his number, delete those photos and spring clean your head. By lingering on, you are only delaying that grieving process of life. Unfriend him on facebook and whatever you do, don’t suggest you ‘stay friends’.
If you are destined to have a friend relationship with the ex, it will naturally develop over time.
- Stem the Booze
Alcohol has the ability to make us feel like we can take on the world but in reality, it is a depressant.
If you are tearful or down, a glass or two could ease that anxiety but hitting the bottle, won’t make you feel any better in the long run. You’ll feel pretty damn good at 11pm when out with the girlies, chugging away through those Long Island Iced Teas but come 1am and you’re 9 sheets to the wind,leaving drunken slurs on your ex’s voicemail……….you won’t be feeling on-top of the world.
Enjoy a night out, find your happiness but don’t call the dude! And if you do feel the urge to text him, have a friend take your phone hostage.
- Bounce back, or not!
Do not rebound onto the next relationship, just to simply avoid the pain of your break up from 6 days ago or the urge to feel needed. Nothing ever good came from jumping from one to the other.
Crack on with gratifying 1 night sexual encounters or the odd fuck buddy meet up (be safe with this, always use protection and let some know where you are/going to be). Sex is good for us; releasing dopamine, oxtocin (makes you want to be all cuddly) which links into more endorphin’s that make you feel good and numbs pain, then you have serotonin which is pretty much the body’s natural mood uplift
What you really need to do is find who you are. Spend time being you, being happy as a singleton. Once you are happy as you are on your own and you know what you want, then you’ll ease into the right relationship (eventually).
- Out and About
You need to keep busy, get out and about. Be it on your own or with your friends, either way it’s doing something and you are keeping busy. Fresh air does you the world of good.
My last break up imploded and really gripped me.
I needed time to myself but I couldn’t be sat around doing fuck all, so I’d trot off to the cinema on my lonesome and you know what? It was bloody fantastic! No one talking at me, popcorn to myself, I actually still go once a month by myself.
- Revenge Plot, NO!
Don’t scheme and plan to get back at the ex, yes jokingly banter with your ladies, if it makes you feel better but do not get back at him. Be the bigger person and move on, focus on you and not them.
- YOU YOU YOU!
Spend time on you, get back to normality and become the real you, again. If stressed or feeling tearful, have a cry.
Crying is a natural stress release and there is no shame in that. Run a relaxing hot bubble bath, light a few candles and have a soothing hideaway, whilst gorging on ridiculously expensive chocolate and a glass of vino, with some soft playing music.
If you’re experience an overwhelming tidal wave of emotional outbursts, let your feels out. If you don’t, you’ll suppress that grief and it will only show on a later date, 10 times worse!